This past Friday, Dash had surgery. It was just a simple procedure–one ear tube–and this was his fourth time going in for it. It was all very routine. His surgeon was great, and we trusted him. I knew it wouldn’t take very long. I was fairly confident that there would be no complications.
Why was I nervous then?
Because the last time, Dash had this procedure done, he was two. He is now five. There is a lot of growing up that is done in those three years. You become more aware of your surroundings and less trustworthy–all which is good and appropriate. But it makes the unknown much scarier.
I was nervous that my big guy was going to be scared. And like most mothers I can’t handle it when my kids are scared, and I have to leave them in that situation to figure it out on their own.
But I can’t always make it better. I have to let go–there is no other choice–and watch them walk some journeys alone. I can’t take away their fears or give them anything more than I already have given.
I come up short by 100 every time. There’s always one more thing I could have told them, one more prayer I could have prayed, one more hug I could have given them.
Even though I walk as far as I can with them, there will always be that last step with me and their first step alone. It isn’t pleasant, but it’s necessary.
I hate it.
But I want to be strong for my kids. So what do I do? I push aside the fear and try to trust. I try to trust God. I try to trust that I’ve done everything I can. I try to trust that my kids are strong. And I try to trust that if I downplay what I’m feeling, it will be less scary for them.
And sometimes that works.
I mean, look at this face!
It’s like he’s saying, “piece of cake, Mom!”
And I did walk with him as far as I could.
I walked into the OR, I held his hand as they put him under, and I kissed his cheek right before his procedure.
Then, I waited for him. Seven minutes later, he was back. As he woke up, the doctor came in with good news. His ear is doing much better.
And then, when he was awake, I was there ready to feed him a popsicle (thank you, Children’s Hospital).
Four hours after we arrived at the hospital, we left. All smiles. It was like nothing even happened. I was so grateful for the staff at Children’s Hospital for being so low key and attentive and soft spoken and sweet. They really do take care of you there. I was allowed in the OR until he was put under. I was able to kiss his cheek, and then I was led back to my room.
Not everyday can be fun and exciting, but everyday is an adventure and another day to show our kids we care.